Relapse
by SurpriseSushi
Summary: He was desperate. That was his excuse anyway. He needed the money, and he didn't know any other way to get it, what with his skills. Or lack of. He never expected to see him again. Life never dishes out what you expect. Rated M for yaoi, and grafic scene.
1. Chapter 1

**Relapse**

A Harry Potter fanfiction by SurpriseSushi

Chapter One

_**"Don't worry, Susie; he has a nice life. He's trapped inside a perfect world."**_

**The Lovely Bones, Alice Seabold**

He couldn't breath. He was surrounded by people, and no air was getting to his lungs. _Shit_. He pushed his way out of the general crowd, and made his way to the side of the dancefloor. His eyes were begining to sting from the flashing lights. Rubbing them, he walked down the hall, and to the bathroom, opening the door. There was a man sitting on the counter near the sinks, and he was pretty sure he was passed out, so he passed him and into a stall, locking the door behind him. Breathing deeply, he took out his wand. He passed it from hand it hand. _This is no way to deal. _He pocketed his wand, and sighed. _You don't even know a calming spell anyway..._

Opening the door, he rubbed his eyes, and made his way to the sink. The man still sat there, not moving. Ignoring him to the best of his abilities, he scooped water into his cupped hands, and splashed it over his face. He could feel the man staring at him, but he still didn't look at the man. Glancing into the mirror, he brushed his hair out of his eyes, and sighed.

"Hey."

The man spoke to him, but he still didn't look at him, determined to pretend he hadn't hear him. He saw out of the side of his vision the man reach into his pocket, and pull out his wallet, and he threw a fifty at him. It landed on the counter, to his left. The man stood, and walked into a stall. He stared at the money, torn. He was desperate for money, and other things of course, but _honestly?_... He breathed deeply, scooped up the fifty, and followed the man, locking the stall behind him.

Without a word, he reached for the man's zipper, and while pulling his pants down, he kissed the man, his heart beginning to beat faster, harder. The man's hands snaked their way up his back, and into his hair, tugging on the un-even, loose ends. He pulled down the man's pants, and felt the man push his head downwards, and he obliged. Tugging the mans silk boxers down, he pulled out his hot member, and stroked it, seeing the man give an unvoluntary twitch. Smiling to himself, he gripped the dick in his hand, and leaned in, the tounge flicking the tip on it. He rubbed the man's member, and licked the slit, tasting the salty pre-ejaculation. He removed his hand, and moved his mouth forward, taking the man's member in his mouth.

The man moaned as he began to gently suck, his hands resting ontop of his head, gripping and ungripping his hair. The man gasped as he sucked slightly harder, and his hands took hold of the man's legs, forcing him closer, his member deeper down his throat.

_**...**_

He was in his apartment, sitting in his favorite chair, motionless, the cigarette between his fingers slowly burning away, untouched.

He felt disgusting.

He couldn't look at himself in the fucking mirror, he couldn't touch himself, he couldn' brush his hair out of his face. It had been so long since he'd last done this, and it took everything to not rip and throw away the scrap of paper with the man's number on it. He needed money. The eviction notice on his door proved that. But was he really so desperate? On his lap sat a envelope still to be opened. On it, written neatly in acid green ink, was written _Remus Lupin, number 46, appartment 3, London_. The writting and the color was all too familliar, and he hadn't touched it since it landed on his lap when an owl had flown through the window, around the appartment once, deposited the letter and flew off out the window again.

"Ouch!" He let the cigarette fall to the floor when the burning tip hit his fingers, and he was pulled back into reality. Glancing quickly around the room, he relaxed back into his chair, and noticed the letter sitting on his chest. He lifted the letter, and sighed. He was desperate. He was very much desperate, he couldn't deny, as much as he wanted to. Tearing open the envelope, he began to read.

_To my dear Mr. Remus Lupin,_

_I find myself short-staffed so near to the beginning of the school year again. I would be delighted to have you return for another year, my old friend. If you choose to decline, I would like to remind you of the time I saved you from that hoard of rather ferocious water demons. If you still wish to teach, please send a return owl with your note of acceptance or decline of my offer as soon as you may wish._

_Cheers,_

_Albus Percival Wulfric Brian Dumbledore_

_Hogwarts, Headmaster_

Flinging the envelope aside, and holding onto the letter, Remus marched over to his desk by the window. He was desperate. Very, very, _very_, desperate, God damn it. He not-to-gently put the letter on the desk and grabbed an empty peice of parchment, and opened his ink bottle viciously, managing to spill ink on his fresh peice of parchement. Grumbling, he quickly wrote a reply, folded it, wrote _Albus Dumbledore, Hogwarts_ on it, and walked to the window. Sure enough, the owl that had delivered Dumbledore's note had rooted itself on the tree right next to his window, instructed by Dumbledore to do so, no doubt. It took a bit of coaxing for the owl to finally come to him, but he eventually mangaed to tie his response to the unwilling owls leg, and set it off. He watched it fly, sighing again.

Yes. Very desperate, indeed.

_**...**_

"I'm glad you found your way here nicely. Wouldn't want you to have to take the train again, would we? Although it did appear to be quite helpful last time, eh? No dementors this year I'm afraid, though. No need, no need, my friend." Dumbledore was waiting for him in the back of his reclaimed office when he had arrived at the castle the day before term started, planning on getting settled before the onslaught of endless classes started. Remus placed his trunk on his bed, and allowed Dumbledore to continue.

"Term starts tomorrow, as I'm sure you're well aware of." He said, looking at Remus over half-moon specticles. "The students arrive later this evening. I hope you'll join the rest of the teachers and I in the start of term feast?"

Remus looked up at him. He had that look, like he was x-raying Remus. He sighed, and brushed a hand through his hair. "Of course."

"Excellent! Well," Dumbledore made his way to the door, and turned to look Remus up and down. "I'm sure you don;t need to me to show you around your office, you're quite cappable. I'll see you at seven!" He bowed slightly, and exited the room, leaving Remus alone with his thoughts.

_Fuck._

_What am I thinking? Why am I here? Remember the last time you tried something like this? Well, this exactly? Teaching? Really? Fuck. Shit. _He lifted his trunk onto his bed, and unhooked the claspes, flinging open the bag. _What if the same thing happens? Are you nuts? Desperate, that's it. I'm desperate. Stupid. No, no, I'm stupid. Fucking stupid..._

_No, what was stupid was going to clubs everynight and sucking off a stranger for fifty bucks. This is a steady job. Right. A steady job, that comes with food and board. Good food, and warm board. And you get to do what you enjoy most. Teach. _He finished unpacking his trunk, and he flopped down onto the soft bed. _Proffessor Lupin. _He smiled. _I don't know why, but that has a nice ring to it. _He suddenly stopped.

_Fuck._

_I never even asked what subject I'll be teaching._

Desperate indeed.

**...**

"Welcome students!" Dumbledore's booming voice echoed around the great hall. Remus could see many eyes flickering in his direction every now and again, question in their glances. Many of them nudged their friends and pointed at him, whispering to each other. _I knew this was a bad idea. _He looked at his plate, feeling his face burn up. _Oh, man the fuck up. They're kids, none of them older than seventeen. _"New year, new students, new teachers." _He's introducing me already? Goddamn it, He's just beginning his speach- _"I wish you all would give our new Defence Against the Dark Arts Teacher," _Of course, what other job is Hogwarts always lacking? The cursed one. _"Proffessor Remus Lupin!" A polite applause rose up slowing, led by Dumbledore's enthusiastic clapping. Remus stood up awkwardly, did a small wave _Stupid idea, stupid idea, stupid idea_,and sat back down quickly. Again refusing to look at anyone, he studied his glass.

"Yes, yes, I hope you all enjoy what Proffessor Lupin has to offer. I must also inform you all of the unfourtunate passing of Mr. Argus Filch, our caretaker, who left us over the summer holiday. I ask you all now for a moment of silence, please, all of you, out of respect for a man who gave so much to this school." He owed his head, and put his hands together. After many skeptic looks, the student followed suit.Remus lowered his own head, and pressed his hands together on his lap.

"Now, replacing our late Mr. Filch, is Sirius Black," Dumbledore swept his hand towards the entrance to the great hall, where a man lent on the broom he had been sweeping the Entrance Hall with before pasuing to listen to Dumbledore's speech. Snapping away from his glass, Remus glanced down the hall at the man, and his heart gave a jump then stopped entirely. "who has kindly filled the post, and shall also be assisting Hagrid in his gamekeeper duties." _It's him. Oh God, oh fuck. FUCK. _Sirius was staring at him. Straight at him. Reconition registered on his face, he held Remus' enthralled gaze for a minute more, then turned, walking away back into the Entrance Hall. _Shit, fuck. Why is it him? Why does it have to be him?_

Reaching back into his memory of before he left for Hogwarts, he remember the name on the paper the man had given him at the club. On it was his name and number. _Sirius Black. _It was him.

_Fuck._

**A/N: I do not own the characters, places, or goings-on of Harry Potter, nor do I own The Lovely Bones. They belong to their respected owner. :)**

**OHO.**

**Oh my. I have no idea where this is going. I have to stop doing that. Well, whenever I plan out a story, it's really shitty, because it feels like I've already written the story, and I'm horrid at rewritting things. :/ Meh. YESH. Yaoi! :D RemusxSirius as always. No one is more perfect. ANYHOO'S. My first time publishing any sort of lemon, I think, and I want to know if it's any good, so I know to continue or not. Please comment! Thanks muchly, and wait for chapter two! Hope you enjoyed!**

_**SurpriseSushi**_


	2. Chapter 2

**Relapse**

A Harry Potter fanfiction by SurpriseSushi

Chapter Two

_**"I'm just like you, made by He, despised by They, I'm almost me. I'm nearly human, look at I'm almost a human being."**_

**Almost Human, Voltaire**

_He shoved him up against the wall, and kissed him, barely able to breath. He pressed his body to his, wrapping his hands around his back, and he felt the other man unbuttoning his shirt. He was suddenly pushed away, and the back of his heels hit something and he tipped, falling onto the couch. The man threw himself atop of him, and whispered in his ear. "Remus..." He pushed off his shirt, and kissed the man above him, gripping his back and forcing the man's body down towards his. "Remus..." The man smiled, his hands tracing patterns on his barechest, and he lowered them to his pants._

"Remus."

Remus opened his eyes.

He was in his office.

He blinked, and rubbed his eyes with his fists, yawning. When he opened his eyes, he was still in his office. He glanced up, and saw Dumbledore looking down at him, giving him his gentle signature smile. "Good morning, Remus." Remus didn't reply, but he stretched, and got out of his warm bed. "Are you ready to start teaching? Your first class is right after breakfast."

_No. No, I'm not ready. But I'm already here, and I'm not running away. This is rediculous. _He stretched again, cracked his knuckles, and smiled grimly. "I'm starving."

_**...**_

Remus sat in his office after the his last class had finished, a cigarette inbetween his fingers, his feet resting on the slightly scuffed mahogny desk that was littered with the essays he made the fourth years do but he never planned on correcting. He stared at the ceiling, knowing he should be getting ready for dinner, but procrastinating. He hadn't seen Sirius all day, not that he was complaining, but he figured after their previous encounter and meeting in such a place... He figured Sirius would have said something to him. Maybe he was waiting for Remus to say something to him? Then they'd never get anywhere... He jumped when there was a knock on his office door. He put out the cigarette, and tried to wave the fumes away. "Come in!"

"Hey," The head that popped in was Sirius's. "I was wondering if you would like to walk to the Great Hall with me?" He smiled, and extrending his arm out to Remus. Remus stared at him, hoping he was kidding. When Sirius didn't move, Remus sighed, pushed Sirius's arm away, but walked to the door of the office, turning back to look at him. "Great!" And he followed Remus out of his office. "Look, I wanted to become proper friends. And I don't want anything we may have done in the past to deny us the wonderful relationship we could have. I mean," They passed the charms corridor, and turned to the Grand Staircase. "I'm a pretty good guy, I just... you know, like getting blown by strangers at gay bars."

"I'm sure you are, but you understand how... uncomfortable I might feel being around you. I was banking on a fresh start here, at Hogwarts, only to find _you_ here." Remus said, keeping a neat stride next to Sirius's rather exstatic march. "So, I don't know if this 'friends' thing you want to do will work out." He said coldly. _He wants to be friends. This is just fucked up. He payed me to suck him off at a sleezy, disgusting bar. I can't do this. I knew coming back here was a bad idea. _"It has nothing to do with your personality or anything, you're obviously quite friendly, but... as you so accuratly put, _the gay bar._" He brushed his hair out of his eyes as they set foot on the landing, stopping outside of the Great Hall. "So, while I do appreciate the offer, I will have to decline."

Sirius looked sincerely dissapointed. But he shook his head, looking Remus up and down. "I'm going to change your mind."

"I doubt that." Remus said, unable to help but smile. He turned and walked into the Great Hall.

"Just you wait!" He heard Sirius call after him, but when he looked over his shoulder, Sirius had gone.

"So, getting re-aquainted with the staff?" Dumbledore asked, sipping the liquid in his goblet, giving Remus the x-ray stare. Dinner had just ended, and most students were heading up to their domitories after had finishing their pudding. Remus glanced at Dumbledore, then out across the Great Hall. "I see Sirius has become very friendly with you. He does this to anyone who fasinates him. Don't take him too seriously." _As if I couldn't... _

"How long have you known him?" Remus asked, deciding to get all the information he could get.

"Since he was a boy. He came to Hogwarts. Bit of a trouble maker. He was in the year ahead of you, actually." He inclined his head towards Remus. "You may or may not remember him, he was sorted into the Slytheryn house. I kept in touch with him a few years after he graduated, but we stopped exchanging letters eventually. I only contacted him to offer him the caretaker job. Evidently, he needed a job." _Certainly didn't seen like that when he payed me fifty bucks to blow him... _"Anyway," He finished his glass, set it down, and stood. Dumbledore smiled down at Remus. "I must be getting to bed. Lots to do, lots to do." He gave Remus a wink, and swept out of the Great Hall.

Remus stared after him, trying desperately to rememeber the many supressed memories of years ago, when he himself walked down these halls as a student, attending classes. But no matter how much he strained, he couldn't remember Sirius as a young man. _Well, the past isn't very important anyway. What matter is the here and the now. Why has he taken such an interest in me? What did Dumbledore call it?_ Fasination. _Right. Great._

_Should I have told Dumbledore? ...Why _would_ I? That would be a very awkward conversation. 'Hello, Proffessor, just wanted to let you know that your new caretaker gave me a blow job in the men's room at a gay bar and he's making me extremely uncomfertable. Just thought I'd let you know!' I must be going out of my mind. I'm not using my head. Besides, this doesn't need to be an issue. I just tell Sirius, quite forcebly, that no, I do not wish to be friends. I'd rather we didnt socialize except when absolutely necessary, thats all. _Remus stood, and walked out of the Great Hall. He looked around quickly, to make sure Sirius was not going to jump out at him, and then made his to the teacher's lounge.

He entered the lounge, and collapsed onto the nearest couch, and let out a deep sigh.

"Oh, so _you're_ back?" Remus jumped, not having realised that there was someone else on the couch. He glanced over to see a greesy haired, hooked nosed man. Severus Snape was looking at him with an expression of utmost contempt. "I thought that your... _hairy_ condition prohibited you from teaching."

"Good evening, Severus," Remus replied cooly. "My _condition_ does not interfere with my teaching. I honestly don't know what you're worried about." He smiled, and rested his head on the back of the couch. He felt Snape stare at him just a little while longer, but he ignored him. Snape got up, and made his way to the door.

"Ah," Remus heard him say. "This is the _teacher's_ lounge, Black. I'm sure you are not a teacher. I doubt you could teach anyone anything. Perhaps how to properly handle a mop. Now, get out of my way." And he heard the swishing of his cloak as he left the room. _Black? Like, Sirius Black? Is he following me? No, don't be rediculous. He's probably just getting some coffee or-_ He felt Sirius throw himself onto the couch, and settle._ Shit. _He raised his head, and looked at Sirius.

"Hey," Sirius grinned, his arms draped over the back of the couch. Remus didn't reply, but neither did he look away. When Sirius didn't get the reply he was hoping for, he sighed. "Why are you so cold to me? What did I ever do?" Remus gave him a look. "Okay, okay, _yes_, but that's no reason why we shouldn't be friends!"

"Why is 'I don't want to be friends' not enough for you?" Remus finally said, crosing his arms over his chest.

"Because I want to know you." Sirius said, moving an inch closer to Remus. Remus moved away. Sirius sighed again. "Why do you refuse me so furiously? You wont even try to forget what we may have done in the past and make an effort? See, this is why you fasinate me so much. _I don't understand you._" He tried to move closer again, but Remus pushed away. "Look, I know I make you uncomfertable. I know you don't want anything to do with me, but that's only because you don't know me. Let me show you who I am. And if you still don't like me after that, I'll leave you alone." He gave Remus this pathetic pleading look.

Remus finally smiled. "Fine. Show me."

**A/N: I do not own the characters, places, or goings-on of Harry Potter, nor do I own Voltaire. Though I would very enjoy owning them, they belong to their respected owners. And Voltaire belongs to himself. xD**

** Hoorays! Chapter two. :D I would first like to thank everyone who left very encouraging comments! They mean so much to me. I like collecting them in little jars and displaying them artfully around my room. :B Oh Remus and Sirius... They're just so perfect. D': I hate how J.K. killed them all. :( Wormy deserved it, the little slimy bastard, but did Remus AND Tonks need to die too? I felt so bad for Teddy :'( Oh, well, that's my gripe about Harry Potter. Now all the Marauder's(and Tonks) are together again. DEAD. D': The quote doesn't really have anything to do with the fic. Perhaps Sirius saying he's human too despite all of his faults? I dunno, I just thought it fit, and it's what I listened to practically on repeat while writing this fic. Well, ANYHOO'S. I hope you enjoyed, leave a comment, and wait for chapter three!**

_**~SurpriseSushi**_


	3. Chapter 3

**Relapse**

A Harry Potter fanfiction by SurpriseSushi

Chapter Three

_**"My ship went down in a sea of sound, when I woke up alone I had everything."**_

**Therapy, All Time Low**

_He gasped and his groin exploded with warmth, and he felt his inner fluids splash the man's stomach. He collapsed next to the man on the bed, and let out ragged breaths, waiting for his breathing to regulate. He felt the man's hand rest on his shoulder, and he turned over to look at him, and give him a smile. "Remus." The man whispered, and he pushed Remus's hair out of his face. "I love you." He leaned in and kissed Remus. "I love you so much." He smiled warmly when their lips parted, placing at hand on Remus's cheek._

_"I love you, too. With all of my heart." Remus put his hand over the man's, and kissed it._

_The man was suddenly gone. Remus looked around the room, but he was no where to be seen. Remus stood up, and he was fully clothed; he walked out the room and down the hall, walking towards wht he subconciously knew was the kitchen. When he entered, there was man busying around the oven. Remus sat down, and a plate of eggs and bacon was in front of him. He looked up at the man, and was met with Sirius._

"Good morning!"

Remus yawned, and stretched. He looked over to the door of his room, and saw Sirius standing there, a huge grin on his face. He then glanced out the window. The sun was barely peeking over the forbidden forest. Remus groaned and fell back into bed. "You know, waking me up at the crack of dawn isn't a good way to make me like you."

"I want to show you something. Just throw on a cloak and meet me in the Entrance Hall." And he was gone.

Remus sat up again, and rubbed his eyes, gropping around from the cloak he knew he had thrown at the end of his bed last night. Standing and pulling it on, he walked out of his room and into his office. Soon he had made his sleepy way to the Entrance Hall, where Sirius was waiting impatiently, bouncing up and down on the balls of his feet. "Alright, Mr. Sleepypants. If we're lucky, it might not be too late." He said, heading toward the large oak front doors, and he pushed them open, the cold morning air sweeping over Remus who had followed him.

"Too late for what?" He asked, squitning in the early morning sunlight that was creeping across the dewy lawn.

Sirius didn't answer, but waved for Remus too follow him. They walked around the edge of the lake, until they reached the other side, and Sirius turned to Remus. "Sit." He pointed to the wet ground. Remus didn't bother questioning; he folded his legs, and sat. Sirius sat next to him.

Remus waited for Sirius to explain. When he didn't, Remus opened his mouth to ask, but Sirius shushed him with a finger to his lips, and pointed to the east. The sun was coming over the mountains, shining on to the lake, and birds were taking flight on the other side of the water. The sky changed from dark blue to red, orange and yellow, cloudless. Remus gaped at the incredibly beautiful sight, and heard Sirius laugh next to him. They watched the sun rise for abit longer before Remus turned to Sirius.

"This is amazing," Remus managed, the sun almost completely over the eastern mountains now. "How did you find this?"

Sirius looked out across the lake, his hair waving in the cool morning breeze. "A boy I knew when I was in Hogwarts showed me this in my fifth year. I came back every morning for the rest of my time at school." He smiled, a look of longing on his face. "And I have been since I've been back."

"Every morning?" Remus asked, watching the giant squid lift a tentacle out of the water to soak up some sun. Sirius nodded. "It's an incredible sight." Sirius remained silent, and Remus followed suit. He understood that this was Sirius letting him in, showing him see who he was. This was Sirius's sanctum, and he was allowed in.

_**...**_

Remus sat next to Dumbledore for breakfast, the sunrise still fresh in his mind. _A boy I knew when I was in Hogwarts showed me this in my fifth year. _Remus drank out of his goblet, paused, put the goblet down and turned to Dumbledore. "Who was the boy with Srirus when he was at school here?" He asked, glancing at the doors to the Entrance Hall.

Dumbledore x-rayed him with his gaze. "I see you've taken an interest. Hm," He made a face that indicated he was thinking. "That boy was James Potter." He noticed recognition register on Remus's face. "Yes, he was in Griffindor in Sirius's year. Greatest seeker Griffindor house ever had." He smiled warmly. "James and Sirius were always together dispite being in opposing houses."

Remus visualized James clearly, but another boy was standing next to him, his features blurred; Remus was unable to imagine his face. "I remember James. He had... black hair-... and glasses, right?" Dumbledore nodded, and Remus continued. "I remember he was at the top of all his classes, but after Hogwarts I never heard of him. Which I found extremely odd; someone like that, with his skills would certainly have gone somewhere. In the ministry or something... What happened to him?"

"He died." Dumbledore sais grimly. Remus stared at him. "He was being interviewed for a job at the ministry and was a victim of the Winston Dorlock incident."

"When a Department of Mysteries worker just... snapped?"

Dumbledore nodded. "Sirius was absolutely devistated. He began to drink excessively. He lost his job, he lost his friends, he lost his apartment, his family had abandoned him long ago. He was on the verge of ending his life before I finally found him and pulled him to his feet."

Remus tried to understand, but he found that to be incredibly difficult. He ran a hand through his hair and asked, "Who was he to Sirius?"

Dumbledore looked up at the enchanted ceiling, the starry sky reflected on his half-moon spectcles. "Everything," He said. "Absolutely everything." Remus waited for Dumbledore to continue, but Dumbledore remained silent.

_**...**_

Remus walked up to his office, his mind swimming with new information. _His... everything? What does that even mean? Were they lovers? Almost lovers? Or just incredibly good friends? James did have his eye on that Lily Evans when he was at Hogwarts... Maybe... Hm. I dunno. _He unlocked his door, and slipped in, closing it softly behind him. _I remember James was always with someone outside of the common-room, who I would have to asume was Sirius. But I can't remember him. _He threw himself down behind his desk, pulling the papers he had the seventh years write for him. He shook his head. _It's doesn't matter! I said so myself before; the past doesn't matter. What counts is the here and now. I guess it honestly couldn't hurt to put an effort into getting to know Sirius, despite how... awkward he makes me feel. I suppose I was being a little rediculous. And it's not like he's unattractive or anything. To be truthful, he's gorgeous._

Remus finished hours later, the essays sorted into neat piles on his now clean desk. He yawned, stretched, and pushed himself from his desk. _So, tomorrow, I could go down to the lake again. Meet him there. Surprise him? _He stood, scratched his head, yawning widely again, and made him sleepy way to his room. _Sirius seems to be much deeper than I antisipated. There's much more to him than I could have ever imagined. _He striped off his robe, and fell upon his bed. He drew his wand and flicked it towards the light, causing it to dim, throwing the room into darkness.

He stared up at the dark ceiling. _Sirius Black. _He sighed deeply. _Even if I got to know him better, and he got to know me... Would it honestly make a difference? Has Dumbledore told him about my... 'hairy little problem', as Severus so tactfully put? Could he ever love a monster? _He froze for a moment, then sat up abruptly. _Love? What am I saying? I... He... well... We've known each other for three months now. Is that- is that long enough to feel anything? _He sunk back down onto the warm bed. _Love? Do I? I don't know. _

_Oh no._

_What if I do?_

_Don't worry about it, Remus. Listen, it's no big deal._

_No big deal? You blew him in the men's room of a-_

_Really? Using that excuse again? It's getting old. Your only concern should be your fullmoon issue. It's a rather big obstacle, but you have the wolfsbane potion to make you tolerable, and such. You just have to explain everything to him. If you really feel this way, you can't keep secrets from him._

_Right._

**A/N: I do not own the characters, places, or goings-on of Harry Potter, nor do I own All Time Low.**

** Hello all, again. This chapter came out rather quickly after the last because I did a fair bit of writing in english class. Seeing as it is me writing this, some depressing thing or another had to be in there. And more's to come! Part of chapter four is already written. Possibly the end. Oh, don't be sad. If it goes any longer than that we'll have a twenty some-odd fic going on here, with too many over-rated hospital scenes. I'm re-reading Harry Potter for, like, the fourty-second time. I don't count how many times I've read these books, nor can I ever guess. But when the final movie comes out I will cry buckets of tears. BUCKETS. D': That's my childhood ending, that is. I was so depressed when I turned seventeen. I was forced to come to terms with the fact that; no my Hogwats letter isn't coming. No, I didn't just not get it, and they wont send Hagrid to come get me, and no, my parents aren't hiding my Hogwarts letter from me, and they won't give it to me anytime soon. T'was a rather sad birthday. Anyhoo's, I'm done rambling. I hope you enjoyed, leave a comment, and await the fourth, and possible final, chapter!**

_**SurpriseSushi**_

_**What's with these short chapters? My last few fics have had fairly long chapters... Short and sweet suits this fic, I suppose. -shrug-**_


	4. Chapter 4

**Relapse**

A Harry Potter fanfiction by SurpriseSushi

Chapter Four

_**"Watching our good friends scream **_**Let me out!**_**"**_

**Under Pressure, David Bowie & Queen**

_Remus walked along the abandoned beach, water licking his ankles, his sunken feet leaving footprints in the wet sand. The setting sun made his shadow enormous, and the dark shape rose from the ground, creating a seperate man. Sirius was suddenly walking beside him, gripping his hand tightly. They walked in silence for a while, until Remus glanced at the sun a noticed it had suck completely below the horizon. He let go of Sirius hand, who turned to face him. "What's wrong?"_

_"The sun..." Remus said, but the rest of his words died in his throat. A large figure was stalking towards the pair, it's red glowing eyes focused on Sirius. He couldn't move, and could only watch as the animal drew nearer and nearer. Sirius stared at Remus stupidly, as good as a rag doll. The animal jumped, and tore into Sirius, driving him to the ground. The animal looked up, blood on his snout, it's fierce red eyes boaring into Remus's very soul. Right into the animalistic part of him; the monster. He was all fours, looking up at himself. Wanting blood. Smelling fresh meet. He looked down at Sirius, and opened his mouth._

_He was in bed. A man's head between his legs, his mouth warming his member. Remus arched, and moaned, feeling himself reaching his climax. The man stopped, and looked up. Fangs, fur, red eyes. The werewolf was staring straight at him._

His eyes popped open. He was soaked, sweat beading off of him. He slowly pushed himself up, and lowered his head into his hands. He swollowed several times, and rubbed his eyes with his palms. He then stopped, and glanced out the window. The sun was already high in the sky. He sighed, and shoved his blankets off of him, picking up pieces of clothing off the floor. _I guess I missed him. _After clothing himself he walked down to the Great Hall for breakfast. It was saterday, so alot of the students were simply milling about the castle, some still in the Great Hall, some still in bed. Remus looked up at the staff table and saw Sirius eating a piece of toast, having an animated conversation with Proffessor Flitwick. As Remus came closer, Sirius waved him over.

"Missed you this morning." Sirius said, biting into his toast, giving Remus a smile.

"I'm sorry," Remus said, sitting down in the chair next to Sirius. "I woke up, and the sun had already risen. I can assure you I was rather upset."

"I was kidding! Don't worry yourself about it." Sirius shrugged. "I didn;t think you would want to come back. That's all." He swollowed the last of his toast. "Why do you speak so formally to me? Loosen up a bit! Have some toast." Sirius handed a slice to him. Remus looked at him, then up to Sirius and gave him a warm smile.

_**...**_

There were several feet of freshly fallen snow on the school grounds, and Remus grumbled silently to himself as he marched across the white lawn, his legs and feet getting steadily colder and wetter. He watched as students launched snowballs at each other, or otherwise enchanting them to fling themselves at the office windows of teachers. As he crossed the snowbanks towards the large oak front doors, something cold, wet and hard struck the side of his head, and he almost fell to the ground, catching himself before he ended up face first in snow. He looked up, preparing to punish students, only to see Sirius leaning on his broom just outside the front doors, waving his snow covered hand at him.

Renmus smiled, leaned down and picked up some snow, patting it into a ball. He saw Sirius frown, and turn to run, but Remus had thrown the snowball and hit Sirius in the back of the head, causing him to slip on the ice and tumble into the snow. Remus walked up to him and laughed at the snow covered caretaker.

Sirius reached up and pulled Remus down into the snow down into the snow with him, covering them both in snow, and soaking them both as well. "You're such an ass." Remus managed, struggling to get up with Sirius holding him down.

"You started it." Sirius rebuttled, laughing as he held Remus down with ease.

"_What? How?_"

"By being such an easy target!" He let go when Remus shoved a handful of snow down his shirt. "_That was cheap!_" He humped up and chased after Remus, who had run away as fast as he could once he was free.

When they were completely soaked, chiled to the bone, and too exhausted to continue, they walked into the castle to get warm. "My office is closer." Sirius said, leading the way. He led Remus down the flight of stairs to the dungeons, and opened a door, allowing Remus to pass through into the room first. The first thing Remus noticed was how surprisingly warm it was despite being in the dungeons; there was a large roaring fire in the small fire place. It was rather like a small London flat. There was a small bed in a corner, a kitchenette in another and a door Remus could only assume was a bathroom.

Remus turned to Sirius, who had followed him in and closed the door with a snap. "Office?" He asked, raising an eyebrow.

Sirius shrugged. "Okay, not office. Living area?" Remus gave him a skeptic look. "This place is much better than my old dump. Cockroaches everywhere." He shuttered. He unbuttoned his shirt and pulled it off, dropping it to the floor. It landed with a sick slap. Remus felt his entire body warm, and he quickly occupied himself with Sirius's kettle. Sirius reached into a cupboard, extracting two mugs; he temporarily came into Remus's peripheral vision.

"How long have you known Dumbledore?" Sirius suddenly asked, taking milf from the fridge.

"Oh," Remus focused on the kettle. "ever since I started at Hogwarts. He... let me attend despite... certain complications at home." _Yes, your furry little problem._

"Huh, me too." Sirius smiled, taking the kettle from Remus when he held it out to him. "I was in Slytherin. You?" He asked, poaring the tea.

"Griffindor."

Sirius gave him a look, and took a dramatic step backwards. "Then I'm afraid we must discontinue this rediculous love affair. We're sworn enemies!"

Remus turned to stare at him. "What?" He grinned and made a grab for Sirius, but Sirius sidestepped away from him, grinning like a maniac. Remus grabbed again, advancing on him.

Sirius slipped forward and grabbed Remus around the middle. In a moment their lips were pressed together, their hands touching eachother everywhere they could, and Sirius guided Remus to the bed. He took mere seconds to remove his shirt, and he pushed Remus onto the wall, his hands snaking themselves aound his chest, his still cold hands making trails of goosebumps in their wake. Sirius shoved Remus onto the bed, and fell on top of him, kissing his neck, and Remus arched his body upwards. He felt Sirius's hands fiddling with the button on his pants, and Remus kissed Sirius.

"Remus."

"Hmm?"

Sirius paused. He rolled over to his side, and proped his head up on his hand. "Did we... Did you... I hope you don't feel that I... forced you to do anything you didn't want to or anything. I tend to forget most things when... aroused." He gave Remus a gentle smile, and caressed his face.

Remus returned the smile. "That is an excellent way to spoil the mood, Sirius."

"Shut up."

_**...**_

Remus yawned, stretching as he walked down the corridor, scratching the back of his head. He just finished his last class of the day, and was heading to the teacher's lounge, deciding to have a nice quite dinner alone instead of going to the Great Hall for something to vaguely wondered where Sirius would be eating, but he quickly pushed it from his mind. _Don't want to be come off as too obsessed. Might freak him out. _He turned the corner and into the corridor with the teacher's lounge. _Well, you have no idea where you are in the relationship scale, after all. Maybe you still don't mean anythin to him. Maybe you're everything. But don't get your hopes up. Woud be nice, that's all. _He gripped the doorhandle tightly and thought; _you've known eachother and been trying to _get to know each other _for ages, anyways. What is it, five month's now? Plenty on time to develop feelings and such... hell, you'd think I've never been in love before._ He sighed before opening the door.

He froze, taking a sharp intale of breath.

He couldn't believe his eyes.

Sirius's head was between Snape's legs, Snape's head was thrown back, and he was letting out soft moans. When they heard Remus's book fall to the floor, they stopped, and Sirius looked up. Horror dawned on his face. "Re-... Remus-"

Remus didn't say a word, but turned and closed the door behind him, and began to walk back up the hall. He heard the door be thrown open behind him, but he didn't turn. "Remus!" He broke into a run, his insides burning. "_Remus!_" He heard him running behind him, but he still didn't stop. His tears half blinded him, but he made his way to the double oak front doors. "Remus, please, I can explain!" He heard Sirius shout.

"Explain?" He screamed. "There's nothing to explain! I saw you!" He was still running. "Or are you going to tell me that what I saw was not what was happening?"

"It was _not_ what it looked like!"

"Shut the fuck up! It was exactly what it looked like!" He pushed opened the front doors and ran down the darkening lawn, flinging himself in a random direction. "You were giving... _Severus_ a blowjob!"

**A/N: I do not own the characters, places, or goings-on of Harry Potter, nor do I own David Bowie. Oh, but if I did... :3**

** Okay, I lied. Chapter five shall be the last. But that only means you'll have to wait longer for the finale! Not very much longer mind you, it's all written down. Just need to type it up. Damn! That means I need another relevant quote. While I love putting quotes(made it kind of a goal of mine. Putting one in each fic.), I'm running out of good one's. Thank you all for your comments! Getting quite the collection, and I must say I am quite proud. I'm glad you all like the fanfic! Hope you're all happy with how this chapter turned out, it was mostly written in english while I should have been answering questions on an article about euthinasia.**

** As for Sirius and Snape... first; ew. I'm not sure why, but I have this awkward fasination with the pair, althougn at the same time I'm absolutely disgusted by them. SECOND; it shall be explained in the fifth chapter. Don't freak yet. xD I tend to throw something or anyther in fics and never explain them, but this needs to be explained. I might just bleed from the brain alot if I don't.**

** Anywhoo's, I hope you enjoyed, comment, and please look forward to the fifth and final chapter of Relapse!**

**~SurpriseSushi**


	5. Chapter 5

**Relapse**

A Harry Potter fanfiction by SurpriseSushi

Chapter Five

_**"They were crying when their sons left, all young men must go. He's come so far to find the truth he's never going home. Young man standing on the top of their own graves, wondering, when Jesus comes, are they going to be saved?"**_

**Soldier's Side, System of a Down**

Remus stopped running, heaving. Hunched over, he tried to catch his breath. He turned to look at Sirius, who had stopped just behind him. "God! I can't believe I trusted you! I can't believe... I slept with you!" A jolt of pain erupted from his chest, but he ignored it, figuring it was from his lack of excercise.

"Remus," Sirius took a step forward, but Remus took a step back. "Remus. Please. I... It's..."

The pain in his chest grew more ferocious, but his rage overpowered all reasoning. He grabbed his chest subconciously, and continued to yell. "Don't you plead with me! I should have known! _You fucking dick!_" He suddenly bent over, the pain in his chest building to a point of extremity. Spots flew across his vision, and he threw up, the little food he had in his stomach pouring out. He felt Sirius advance. _Shit... shit, shit,shit. It's fullmoon tonight. I didn't... take my potion..._ Remus was hunched over, the pain growing more and more unbareable byt the second. He saw Sirius's feet shuffle closer. His mouyth was completely locked, he couldn't utter a sound to warn him to get away. "Remus!" Sirius shouted, placing a hand on Remus's back. Remus convulsed, and shoved Sirius away, screaming. His scream turned into howl when his mouth grew longer, transforming into a muzzle. He tried to reach out to Sirius, but his hands were paws. "Remus?" Remus turned away from him, and curled up on the ground. "Rem-"

He lashed out, his claws tearing into Sirius's face, causing him to recoil, blood spurting everywhere. In a flash, Sirius was gone, a large black dog was in his place. The dog's snout was covered in blood, and he pounced at Remus, clamping onto his neck, forcing the large beast to the ground, not wanting to hurt him. Remus threw Sirius off him, and turned towards him, lifting his jowels. He stalked towards the black dog, growling.

"Sirius!"

Both animals stopped, and Remus bolted into the Forest. Dumbledore came sprinting up the lawn towards Sirius. "Are you alright?" He asked, looking at the matted fur covered in blood.

"I'm fine." Sirius answered after transforming back into a man. There were three long gasheson his face, blood still pouringfrom his open wounds. He was staring off to where Remus disappeared.

"I suppose his condition isn;t such a secret anymore."

"Why didn't he tell me?" Sirius frowned. "I guess... If I thought about it hard enough I could have figured it out... he's always sick at full moon..."

"He was afraid," Dumbledore glanced at the Forbidden Forest. "with good reason." Sirius looked up at him, holding a hand to his face, trying to staunch the bleeding. "He's been shunted his entire life for being what he is. He was frightened that you would abandon him too."

"I would never-"

"He didn't know that."

Sirius pulled his hand away from his face and looked at the blood. He hesitated, then took off, suddenly running on all four legs. He heard Dumbledore call after him, but he ignored him and threw himself in bewteen the trees after Remus. He followed the general path of debris, past the lake, glancing at the reflection of the fullmoon on the water, and into a large clearing. Remus was hunched over, ripping into some animal or another, and was ignoring Sirius. Sirius padded forward; Remus spun around growling. Sirius stopped.

Remus snarled, and slunk around Sirius, who still didn't move, watching him with bloodthirsty eyes. After a moment, Remus jumped, and crashed into Sirius, forcing him to the ground. Sirius thrashed, and Remus let go, allowing Sirius to jump up. Remus swung his claws at the black dog, ripping open the inside of his left arm. Sirius cried out, and tried to limp away from Remus, but Remus pounced on him, and clamped his jaw around Sirius's wrist and twisted. Sirius heard a sickening crack and spots flew across his vision, pain exploding up his arm.

He felt claws rake up his side, and felt Remus bite his neck. He couldn't breath. Everything was fading away. He closed his eyes and fell into a painless dream.

_**...**_

"Look at him... _I_ did that to him. His face, his wirst, his arm... He's lost so much blood. And It'll scar. Werewolf wounds never heal properly."

"Remus,"

"Lucky I didn;t bite hard enough... he didn't get... _infected_. Oh God... what do I do when he wakes up? How can I ever express how sorry I am?" He felt a warm hand on his barechest, pulling him out of the murky waters of disillusion.

"You just say it. There isn't any otheer way to appologize." Pain. It started to creep up his arms, up his legs, and from his chest. Builing everywhere.

"But will he forgive me?"

"I would be a very poor judge of character if he wakes and knows you weren;t in control last night. It was full moon; you couldn't control yourself."

"_It was me, _Proffessor. Me. He is my world and I hurt him. _I_ cut him, _I_ bit him, _I_ teared him open, made him bleed. I fucked up. I could have killed him. I could have poisoned him. If you didn't show up-" He breathed in deeply, his lungs searing with pain. The hand removed itself, and he heard someone stand.

"Remus, sit down."

"I can't do this."

"_Remus?_" He opened his eyes, the light making them water; it took a minute before everything swam into view. Remus was standing at his side, Dumbledore sitting at the end of the bed. He was laying in the hospital wing, covered in bandages. His voice had cracked from lack of use; he had no idea how long he had been unconcious. He saw the tears in Remus's eyes, and tried to lift his arm to hold him, but it exploded with pain and he scrunched up his face in pain.

"Sirius!" Remus sat back down, and grabbed Sirius's hand. His tears fell down his face.

Sirius tried to smile. "Hey."

"Well, I see you're quite fine. I need to go spread rumors around as to what exactly transpired last night. The students might have made their own tales by now, anyway. I'll be off." Dumbledore smiled, and walked out of the hospital wing, pausing to speak with Madam Pomfrey first.

"Sirius, this is all my fault." Remus whispered without looking at Sirius. "If I'd taken my potion, or-... If I'd just told you... This shouldn't have happened. I should have been more cautious, I wan't careful enough."

Sirius squeezed Remus's hand, causing pain to shoot up his arm. "No, I just wasn't listening." Remus began to protest, but Sirius spoke over him with difficulty. "I was too afraid to... fall in love. I refused to open my eyes, and realise that what I wanted was always right in front of me. And," He looked away. "I wanted to appologize for what you saw earlier... With Severus..."

"Don't. You were right. It probably wasn't what it seemed-" Remus waved a hand, dismissing it.

"It was exactly what it looke like." Sirius said darkly, still not looking at Remus. "I was... trying to push you out of my heart. I didn't want to fall in love and be hurt again. I didn't want to love you and have you leave me. I was stupid. I was afraid to get too close to you." He looked up at Remus. "I just pray-... that you'll forgive me."

"Of course," Remus gripped Sirius's hand tightly. "of course. Sirius, I-... I love you. And I wont let your stupidity refuse us this happiness we've tried so hard to schieve yet at the same time push away.

Sirius laughed, wincing at the pain the movement caused. "Very poetic." He paused, and looked down at his newly formed scars, then up at Remus. "Hey, our scars match."

Remus chuckled, wiping his eyes. "Shut up." He bent down and hugged Sirius, feeling his pent up, shut away emotions spilling forth. It was like an enormous weight was lifted off his shoulders. Then he cried, letting his tears slip down his cheeks, and he heard Sirius let out a choaked sob.

**A/N: I do not own the characters, places, or goings-on of Harry Potter, nor do I own System of a Down**

** The end. Cheesy ending? Maybe. Only my third, chapter-full fanfic completed? Maybe. Did I write this in one night, right after finishing the fourth chapter? Maybe. I didn't write more to the ending because I didn't know how else to finish this. I hope it's at least halfway decent. I wanted to end it here in fear of drawing it out and never finishing it.**

** SO? I honestly don't have much to say as an afterword here. :/ Well, I suppose I'm rather glad I'm done. This means time for other fanfics. **:3 **I really hope you enjoyed the last chapter, please PLEASE leave a comment on how you liked -or disliked- the ending, and check back for more fics in the future! Thanks muchly!**

**~SurpriseSushi**


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